Many parents struggle letting teens have independence on family vacations

Parents’ visions of family vacation time may not always match what their teens have in mind.

And many parents struggle with that transition in travel expectations as kids get older, a national poll suggests, with one in five saying they have never allowed their teen to be away from them during a vacation or trip.

Fewer than half of parents are also likely to leave a teen alone while they go to a hotel breakfast or out for dinner, according to the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health.

“It’s natural for teens to seek more independence and time away from parents, especially in new environments like family vacations,” said Sarah Clark, M.P.H., co-director of the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health.

“Allowing them some space can be a valuable opportunity to build confidence, practice decision-making, and develop self-management skills they’ll need as they move toward adulthood. Our poll found that many parents are hesitant about giving teens that level of independence.”

The nationally representative report, based on 1,047 responses from parents of teens, found that one in three parents would be very likely to allow their teen to walk a short distance to a coffee shop while on vacation.

And about one in five say they’d be very likely to let their teen split off separately at a museum or amusement park.

“Parents may believe they are shielding their teens from possible harm, but being overprotective can limit teens’ ability to develop important life skills such as navigating unfamiliar situations, assessing risks and facing real-world responsibilities,” Clark said.

“Helping teens gain independence is a gradual process, and vacations can be an ideal testing ground.”

Balancing trust with fear

Two-thirds of parents say they are very confident their teen would follow the rules if given the opportunity to spend time unsupervised in an unfamiliar setting. However, concerns about safety persist: half of all parents still worry about the risk of an accident or injury, regardless of their teen’s age or sex.

Parents of girls, however, are significantly more likely than parents of boys to worry about their teen being approached by a stranger (70% vs. 41%) or becoming frightened (37% vs. 21%).

In contrast, parents of boys are more concerned that their teen might “do something dumb” or engage in risky behavior.

Among parents who report their teen has spent time away from them while on vacation, many indicate they set rules to keep their teen safe.

Rules could include having the teen check in by phone, asking them to stay with friends or siblings and staying in agreed-upon locations.

More than half of parents also report using the tracking feature on their teen’s cell phone when they spent time away from parents while on vacation.

“Location tracking can be reassuring for parents when teens are away from them, but it’s most effective when it’s discussed openly and agreed on together in advance,” Clark said.

“Parents can explain that it’s meant for safety, not surveillance.”

Clark also recommends parents help prepare teens to be on their own in age-appropriate ways.

For example:

• Consider a first aid course: Rather than worry about their teen having an accident or injury, parents can enroll them in a first aid course online or through a community organization, so they can gain knowledge and skills.
• Go over basic safety guidelines: If parents feel their teen might be scared to stay alone in a hotel room for a short time, they might go over rules about locking the doors, responding to a knock from housekeeping or what to do if they’re approached by a stranger.
• Agree on how often and where you will reconnect: Discuss how often you’d like them to check in, where to meet, a time to return and how to contact parents if plans change.
• Create learning opportunities: If parents are uncertain about their teen’s ability, it’s on parents to find ways to practice, so teens can gain experience and confidence. 
  “While on vacation, it’s important for parents to have open conversations with their teen about how to balance freedom and safety,” Clark said.

“If approached thoughtfully, these moments away from direct parental supervision allow teens to practice responsibility and decision-making in a relatively safe environment, while still knowing support is nearby if needed.”